I Lost My Mind in San Diego
by Clubhouse Treats
Summary: When RK's old friend Harold dies, he goes down to San Diego for the funeral, while Sparky, Buster, and Wade attend a music festival in the city. Meanwhile, Anja, Lynne, and Sarah all try to take care of Jaylynn when she comes down with the stomach flu.
1. I Lost My Mind in San Diego Script

_Thank You, Heavenly _

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 8

EPISODE 11

Airdate: January 19, 2020

"I Lost My Mind in San Diego"

Special Guest Stars: John Witherspoon as Harold _(archival recordings only)_, Jason Weaver as Steve, Sabrina Carpenter as Sarah Bennett, Kira Kosarin as Lynne, Divide the Day (Joseph Nichy, Billy Haig, Darren Lantz, Justin Canela, David Strickland, Daniel Frost) as Themselves

_#TYH801_

SCENE 1

_A black screen is shown with the caption reading: "RK's Last Stand," with the phrases "Season 3, Episode 14" and "April 5, 2015" placed underneath. _

BUSTER _(V.O.)_: Previously on _Thank You, Heavenly_...

_Cut to the scene where RK and Harold meet for the first time._

RK: Hi, I'm RK.

HAROLD: I'm Harold. My grandsons put me in this hellhole because I "needed treatment." What do they know about treatment? Shoot. They weren't alive during the Civil Rights days when they were sicking those dogs on us, but I was. I learned a lot, and now I'm more mature and richer for the experience.

_Harold tries pressing more buttons on the remote control, to no avail._

HAROLD: THIS MOTHERF***ING REMOTE-AH! This retirement home is lucky that President Obama is not here to see this. Otherwise, we would get more CNN coverage than Michael Jackson.

_Cut to the scene where RK sees Harold in his room as he packs for his transfer to a retirement home in San Diego._

RK: You going on vacation?

HAROLD: Close. I'm leaving this hellhole.

RK: WHAT?! WHY?!

HAROLD: RK, being in the hospital made me realize that I've been spending too much time waiting for something good in my life to happen. I mean, how many years do I have left anyway? If I'm going to sit here and complain about society, I'm going to be happy doing it.

RK: So where are you going to go anyway?

HAROLD: I submitted my request for a transfer and I'm getting it. There's this one down in San Diego, just for me.

_Later on in the scene..._

RK: Harold, you can't do this. What's going to happen to our friendship?

HAROLD: RK, if it wasn't for you, I would have never had the courage to step outside and realize what I was missing out on. All that time spent moaning about my current situation when I could have changed it all along. I barely even knew who I was anymore in this place. But thanks to you, I get a fresh start and I don't have to see these annoying, smelly motherf***ers ever again.

_Later on..._

HAROLD: I got something for you. So you can keep your little baby doll on lock that you've been telling me about.

_Harold pulls out a gold chain from his bag._

HAROLD: A-ha! Here you go.

RK: A chain?

HAROLD: Not just any chain, boy. This is my lucky chain. I used to wear it all the time whenever I was feeling good. I remember meeting one of my future wives at a Zapp concert with this chain.

RK: Who the hell is Zapp?

_*long pause*_

HAROLD: See, that's why you need this chain.

SCENE 2

The Jennings Household

Seattle, Washington

_Cut to an exterior shot of the Jennings house._

BUSTER _(V.O.)_: And now, many, many episodes later on _Thank You, Heavenly_...

_Cut to the inside of the living room. The house phone begins ringing and RK runs in from the kitchen._

RK: Please don't be a scammer, please don't be a scammer.

_RK crosses his fingers with his eyes closed, then picks the phone up._

RK: Jennings residence, the younger Jennings speaking.

STEVE _(V.O.)_: Hello? Are you RK?

RK: Um, yeah. How do you know my name? Listen, I'm sick and tired of you scamming sons a bitches calling here! And if you...

STEVE _(V.O.)_: RK, my name is Steve. I think you know my grandfather Harold?

RK: Yeah, I do. What's going on here?

STEVE _(V.O.)_: I don't know how to say this, but...Harold died in his sleep the other night.

RK: Wait...what?! Are you serious?

STEVE _(V.O.)_: Yes. The retirement home contacted me and I came down to San Diego as soon as I could. I need to get the funeral arranged, but my grandpa talked about you a lot. I think it would be great if you could make it to the service.

RK: Yeah, of course. Just let me know when it is so I can get everything set up on my end.

STEVE _(V.O.)_: Sure. I'll keep you posted all the way. It was great to get in touch with you.

RK: You too. Talk to you soon.

_RK hangs up the phone._

RK: I can't believe this.

_RK runs upstairs and goes into his room, then opens his closet. He takes out a box and pulls out the gold chain Harold gave him. He sighs as he holds it._

RK: Rest in peace, old buddy.

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, the kids are at their lockers. RK is now wearing the gold chain._

RK: It's just weird, you know? I didn't cry or anything. It's like I don't want to believe he's gone.

BUSTER: I know exactly how you feel, RK. When Mr. Hooper died on _Sesame Street_, I didn't wanna believe it either.

SPARKY: Didn't that episode come out years before you were born?

BUSTER: Yeah, but when I first watched it, I couldn't sleep that night. I kept thinking he was still out there in his store making Big Bird his classic birdseed milkshakes.

RK: I'm pretty sure this isn't the same thing, pal.

JAYLYNN: Look on the bright side. At least you were invited to the funeral. Harold liked you so much, he wanted you to be there to honor him with everybody else that he was close to.

RK: True. But this is just bullshit, man. All my OG's are getting put in the grave. First, it was Carmine. Then it was Ms. McDermott. Now, it's Harold? Who's next up, Wade?

WADE: How can I be one of your OG's when I'm two years younger than you?

RK: You carry yourself like an OG. And that's what's really important.

SPARKY: You know what, RK? How about we come to San Diego with you? That way, you won't have to travel by yourself with nobody to talk to.

RK: Really? I don't know, I don't want you to feel like you have to.

WADE: Absolutely not. You need moral support. Plus, we've never been to San Diego before. We can make a vacation out of it.

JAYLYNN: I wish I could come, but I can't. Sarah's coming over the weekend of the funeral.

BUSTER: She can't come to San Diego too?

JAYLYNN: I would have to spend days convincing her. Plus, she doesn't f*** with San Diego ever since the Chargers moved away from there.

BUSTER: Wait, I thought the Chargers were still in San Diego and the Raiders were moving to Los Angeles.

SPARKY: No, the Rams and the Chargers are L.A. teams. The Raiders are going to Vegas.

BUSTER: What? This is why the NFL sucks, all these teams are coming or going and I don't know what's going on with all the moving and the packing and such.

WADE: Why do our conversations always go to a weird place?

SCENE 4

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Sparky, Buster, and Wade are watching TV later that night._

BUSTER: You know what I'm thinking?

WADE: The integration of math and science is a lot more noticeable than most people give it credit for?

BUSTER: No, that...that guess was just horrible. No, I was thinking that if we go to San Diego, we have to find an activity. What are we going to do if we can't go to the funeral?

SPARKY: We could always order room service and pretend we're musicians on tour.

BUSTER: And that's a great road trip tradition, but we need more. Like a traveling circus or the biggest ball of yarn known to man.

WADE: San Diego has plenty of fun things to do. We just have to find something. Let me see if there are any events coming up.

_Wade takes out on his phone and begins typing._

WADE: Alright, what are some events in San Diego? No, no, no, I have no idea who would subject themselves to this...a-ha! I knew it! This is the perfect distraction.

SPARKY: What did you find?

WADE: You ever heard of a little music convention called the Rap Rock Festivaloozaesta?

SPARKY: No way!

WADE: Yeah, it's coming to San Diego this year and we're buying tickets.

BUSTER: I always wanted to go to that festival. They say it's the Coachella of the West Coast!

SPARKY: And they love having the best bands that people don't listen to anymore.

WADE: Alright, I just put us down for three seats. This is going to be one of the best vacations we've ever had.

SCENE 5

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Jaylynn is watching TV and begins coughing. She then starts rubbing her throat._

JAYLYNN: You gotta be kidding me.

_Her phone starts ringing. She picks up._

JAYLYNN: Hey, what's up, Sarah?

SARAH _(V.O.)_: What's up, man? I can't wait to come up there and see you.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I'm ready for you to come over. It's gonna be sick.

_Jaylynn coughs and sniffles._

SARAH _(V.O.)_: Oh no, are you getting sick on me now? I heard that phlegm.

JAYLYNN: No, I'm not sick, why would you think that? You're crazy, girl, nobody out here is sick. My voice is just a little bit scratchy. But don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

SARAH _(V.O.)_: I believe you, but you better be healthy or you're in big trouble. I can't do anything with a sick person.

JAYLYNN: Hey, don't talk to me like that, I'm not your daughter. Stop playing around, man.

SARAH _(V.O.)_: Alright, I'll see you when I see you.

JAYLYNN: Okay, see you soon.

_Jaylynn hangs up, then sneezes._

JAYLYNN: That girl's gonna kill me, I know it.

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, the kids are eating lunch together. _

JAYLYNN: Guys, I think I'm coming down with something. And I can't let Sarah find out.

BUSTER: Why? Is she one of those people that thinks she'll get a terminal illness if she tastes your hot breath?

JAYLYNN: No, it's just going to ruin our weekend together. She hates coming to Seattle, the only reason she makes the trip is to see me.

RK: Drink a whole bottle of Robitussin and you'll survive. In the meantime, I have to prepare a speech for the funeral.

WADE: Seriously? You were chosen to deliver the eulogy?

RK: No, are you kidding me? I'm just some white kid from out of town. But if Steve personally enlists me, selects me to give a speech, I can't just sit there with my mouth hanging open. I need to keep my blades sharp.

BUSTER: If you're stuck on what to say, you can use the speech I wrote for Harold back when we all thought that pork chop was gonna kill him.

RK: Thanks, man, but it has to come from the heart.

BUSTER: Hey, I know it doesn't sound like anything, but Harold deserves the best. At least let me give you the line you can use to open the speech: "If Harold is looking down on us now, he's probably wondering why the casket is open. It's a funeral, not the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show."

RK: Actually, Harold was cremated.

_Beat._

BUSTER: You can come up with your own opening line, right?

_Jaylynn begins to clutch her stomach._

JAYLYNN: Okay, I'm kinda scared right now.

SPARKY: What's happening, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: I think I ate too fast, my stomach can't handle it.

WADE: Do you need to go see the nurse?

JAYLYNN: No, I'm fine, I just think...nope.

_Jaylynn throws up on the floor, but she is only shown from behind. The guys all scream simultaneously. _

WADE: Someone get some help over here!

SPARKY: Good Lord, it looks like sweet potatoes.

_Jaylynn throws up again._

SPARKY: I didn't have to say that.

SCENE 7

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Nurse's Office

Seattle, Washington

_Jaylynn is resting on a medical bed as the nurse takes notes on her._

JAYLYNN: Nurse, give it to me straight. Is it a tapeworm? Food poisoning? I'm not gonna die, right?

NURSE: No, Jaylynn, you're in no danger of dying. But you do have a stomach virus. I would advise you to rest and drink plenty of fluids.

JAYLYNN: Rest? When you tell me to rest, that means I can't entertain friends that are coming over? That kind of rest?

NURSE: Well, I don't think hosting is suitable for your recovery. You're not going to have a lot of energy for the next few days and the stomach flu is highly contagious.

JAYLYNN: Oh no. I'm like patient zero.

_Jaylynn takes a surgical mask from the shelf and puts it on._

NURSE: Jaylynn, what are you doing?

JAYLYNN: Keeping myself from infecting people through my mouth. By the way, do you have that stuff that doctors wear when they deliver babies? I could use that.

SCENE 8

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Sparky, Buster, and Wade are watching TV._

BUSTER: Guys, I have a question. How come when a boy likes other boys, you never call him a lesbian?

SPARKY: What?

BUSTER: Yeah, think about it. Girls who are into girls get called gay all the time. We could call Jaylynn gay if we really wanted. But you never hear anybody call boys lesbian if they're into boys.

WADE: That's because "gay" is the more widely accepted term. "Lesbian" was made specifically for girls.

BUSTER: Well, to me, that's sexist. If I end up liking guys one day, I want you two to call me lesbian with no hesitation. We'll see what society thinks about that.

SPARKY: Alright, buddy. Speaking of Jaylynn, what are we gonna do? We can't go to San Diego if she has the stomach flu.

WADE: But RK needs us. He can't deal with traveling by himself.

SPARKY: That's true.

BUSTER: Plus, we'll end up missing the Rap Rock Festivaloozaesta. This is huge.

SPARKY: That's also true. So either way, we're abandoning our friends.

BUSTER: I think I know what to do. Sparky and Wade, you guys flip a coin to see who stays home and who goes to San Diego. Then, Wade will take a sample of my DNA to create another Buster. That Buster can stay home while I go to San Diego.

WADE: You have a terrible track record with clones. Forget it.

BUSTER: Oh, and whose fault is that?

WADE: I think it's pretty easy to figure that out.

SPARKY: This is not constructive! Look, we all want to go to the music festival. And if I know Jaylynn, the last thing she wants is us dropping everything just to take care of her.

WADE: But at the same time, we need to make sure she's safe before we go.

SPARKY: Exactly. I think I know what to do.

BUSTER: Don't even worry about it, Sparky. Wade has no interest in making clones these days.

_Buster continues watching TV while Sparky and Wade give him bored looks._

SCENE 9

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, Sparky, Buster, and Wade are at Anja's door talking to her._

ANJA: Jaylynn has the stomach flu?

SPARKY: Yeah. And we would love to take care of her, but we already had plans for a trip to San Diego. We just need you to check in on her and make sure she's okay.

ANJA: Of course, no problem. What are you guys doing in San Diego?

WADE: We're accompanying RK. He's going to a funeral and we're going to a music festival.

ANJA: Oh, man, who died?

SPARKY: Harold.

ANJA: Harold? Sounds familiar. Who's Harold again?

BUSTER: Why are you asking so many questions? Are you a cop? Leave us alone!

_Buster runs away from the door. Sparky and Wade shrug, then look back at Anja._

SPARKY: Yeah, we'll see ya in a couple days.

ANJA: Alright, later.

_Sparky and Wade leave, and Anja closes the door._

ANJA: I think I _was _asking too many questions.

_Lynne walks downstairs._

LYNNE: Who were you talking to? I heard screaming.

ANJA: It was Sparky and his buddies. They told me Jaylynn has the stomach flu.

LYNNE: Shit, man, really? What are we gonna do?

ANJA: We?

LYNNE: Yeah. What's the plan here?

ANJA: No, I know what you mean. It's just that a few months ago, you were begging for Jaylynn to get sick, and now, you're concerned with her well-being.

LYNNE: Yup, crazy how things change. But I owe her one, anyway. She helped me with the chicken pox, so now, it's time for me to help her.

ANJA: That's great to hear. The two of us can take care of Jaylynn this weekend. She'll be back to her old self in no time.

SCENE 10

Seattle-Tacoma International Airport

Interior Airplane

SeaTac, Washington

_The boys are seated in the airplane waiting for it to take off. RK and Wade are both writing something. _

SPARKY: Alright, guys, the road to San Diego starts now. The 619, Saint Didacus, Sandi...

WADE: We get it.

SPARKY: I'm just excited.

BUSTER: RK, are you still working on your emergency speech for Harold?

RK: Of course. This is my third draft.

WADE: Really? You don't even do a first draft for some of your English papers. You just say, "I'll take care of it when it needs to be taken care of" and pretend to have the shakes during presentation.

RK: That's because this is something that actually matters. I'm just trying to figure out where I can talk about the way Harold used to say, "BANG! BANG! BANG!"

BUSTER: Why would he say that? Was he shooting up the place?

RK: In a metaphorical sense, yeah.

SPARKY: Dude, that's gross.

RK: Harold was a man's man, Sparko. A rare breed. He was never afraid to express himself, and that's the essence I need to capture for my speech.

WADE: Hey Sparky, are we doing any tourism for this trip? I'm working on our itinerary.

SPARKY: Maybe. But other than the festival, I don't know what fun stuff we can do in San Diego.

BUSTER: How could you guys forget? The house where they filmed _Drake & Josh_? We could visit it.

SPARKY: Buster, they didn't actually film _Drake & Josh _in San Diego.

BUSTER: Wait, what?

WADE: Yeah, it was shot in Los Angeles. And that house was in Encino, they only used it for exterior shots.

BUSTER: Wait, what?!

RK: Didn't they tear that house down anyway?

SPARKY: Pretty sure they did.

BUSTER: WAIT, WHAT?! How come every time I find out something new, it always hurts me?!

SCENE 11

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Around the same time, Anja and Lynne are with Jaylynn at her house. Jaylynn is wrapped in a blanket and almost looks incapacitated. _

ANJA: Alright, Jaylynn. If you're gonna recover from the stomach flu, you need to make sure you eat the right food. That's why we have something called the BRAT diet. We can start with bananas.

JAYLYNN: I can't keep anything down. Forget it.

ANJA: I know it sucks, but you have to go through hell before you get sent to heaven.

LYNNE: Dude, really?

ANJA: I saw it on a coffee mug. I liked the positive message!

LYNNE: Look, we can't force anything on Jaylynn. Maybe what she wants is a drink. Hey Jaylynn, have you been puking and shitting?

JAYLYNN: Yeah. It's pretty bad diarrhea.

ANJA: Cheese and rice, I didn't need to know that.

LYNNE: See? She's dehydrated. She has to get back what she lost. Is there any Pedialyte in the house?

JAYLYNN: Pedialyte? That's a kindergarten drink.

LYNNE: And it's also a stomach flu drink. It's cool, I can go buy some. Anja, make sure she has a bucket for all the throw up.

ANJA: Aye aye, captain.

_Lynne walks out of the house._

JAYLYNN: Where did you even see that coffee mug?

ANJA: I was just window shopping and I saw it on display. It wasn't even a coffee shop, which kinda creeped me out.

_Cut to Lynne walking and seeing a car slowly approach Jaylynn's house. She walks backwards with squinted eyes and sees Sarah leave the car._

LYNNE: What are _you _doing here?

SARAH: I could ask you the same question. I'm here for Jaylynn.

LYNNE: Well, now's not a good time. She already has enough doctors.

SARAH: Doctors? What are you talking about?

LYNNE: She has the stomach flu. Anja and I are taking care of her, so you can head back to Oregon.

SARAH: Okay, first of all, I came here to see my friend and that's what I'm going to do. And second of all, why are you taking care of Jaylynn? You make her sick.

LYNNE: Not anymore. We're friends now.

SARAH: What?!

LYNNE: Yeah, it's a new era, bitch.

SCENE 12

Borowitz-Gorodetsky Mortuary

San Diego, California

_RK walks into the area of the funeral home where Harold's reception is being held. He looks around and sees a few considerably older African-American men talking near a picture of Harold. RK walks up to them._

RK: Hey, I'm RK Jennings, friend of the deceased. I just wanted to know if any of you gents have seen a guy named Steve around.

STEVE: I'm right here. You're RK?

RK: Yeah. You're Steve?

STEVE: What, you thought I was white?

RK: No, it's just when you called, you sounded so young. I thought you were in college or something.

STEVE: Well, I do my best to stay in shape, you know what I'm saying? Basketball, Brazilian jiujitsu, meditation. Anything to help keep my body sharp.

DOUG: Man, you're almost 45 and you still sound like you haven't gotten your driver's license yet. What's that about?

STEVE: Doug, do you mind? I'm in the middle of some personal business here.

RK: Wow. Real live OG's in the flesh. And here I thought Wade was worldly.

STEVE: RK, it's really nice to have you here. My grandpa always talked about this white kid that helped him realize what was missing from his life.

RK: Really? He talked me up?

STEVE: Sure. He said you were caring, respectful of the older generation, slightly awkward.

RK: Damn, that's the dictionary definition of me. You know, Steve, I really admired Harold, which is why I would love nothing more than to speak at the funeral tomorrow.

STEVE: You wrote a speech?

RK: Well, almost. I'm still working out some of the kinks, but it's something that lets everyone know how great Harold was.

STEVE: I mean, that's thoughtful, RK, but I think we might be overbooked for this.

RK: That's okay. I could warm up the crowd for my speech, or I could sneak in at the end like I'm getting a wild card spot.

STEVE: Sure, but we have a tight schedule, man. I know some of Harold's friends have speeches, my family has speeches, guys from the church are coming through here. and I even booked my grandpa's favorite band to come here. Well, his third favorite. These entertainers hate performing if the check isn't big enough.

RK: I can't believe this. What am I supposed to do?

STEVE: Just relax. Enjoy yourself while you're here. This is supposed to be a celebration of my grandpa's life. The fact that you showed up means more than anything else you could do.

_Beat._

RK: No, I really don't think it does.

SCENE 13

Aztec Valley Fairgrounds

Interior Main Gate

San Diego, California

_("Bawitdaba" by Kid Rock plays over the festival's loudspeakers)_

_Sparky, Buster, and Wade walk up to the main gate of the Rap Rock Festivaloozesta with their tickets. They all have on backwards San Diego Padres baseball caps, tie dye shirts, and sunglasses._

BUSTER: I still can't believe we're here. I get to tell my grandkids that Grandpa Buster was at one of the biggest music festivals in California.

WADE: I don't know why, but I feel like we don't blend in enough. We look like posers.

SPARKY: I thought we were supposed to look like this.

WADE: We were, but I feel like we don't have the _intrigue _as to whether or not we're posers. We just gave it away without thinking about it.

BUSTER: Wade, half the people here are drunk, poor, and don't have a job. They don't care. Let's see these shows!

SPARKY: YEAH!

WADE: Alright, no need to analyze everything.

TICKET TAKER: Whoa, are you guys lost? This festival is 18 and over.

SPARKY: Sir, we're dwarfs. The last thing we need is for people like you making us feel like we don't matter.

TICKET TAKER: Of course not, I was...

BUSTER: What? You think just because everybody loves _Snow White_, you can treat us any way you want? Well, I got news for you, buddy, the dwarf community cancelled that movie a long time ago!

WADE: Yeah, we're tired of outdated cultural depictions. Come on, guys, we have a festival to enjoy.

_Sparky, Buster, and Wade walk onto the fairgrounds._

TICKET TAKER: I didn't even get their...you know what, Larry? Your cousin lets you drive his Lamborghini once a month and there's nobody that can take that away from you.

_The kids are in awe of the size of the festival and the number of people around._

SPARKY: This is unbelievable. It's like Times Square on New Year's Eve, but the weather doesn't make you want to kill someone.

BUSTER: I wonder which band is up next.

WADE: According to my itinerary, it's, uh...

_At that point, a stoner trying to catch a frisbee collides into the kids and they all fall to the ground._

STONER: Hey Ryan, did I catch it?!

RYAN: No, you didn't!

STONER: I said, did I catch it?!

RYAN: And I already told you that you didn't!

STONER: No, Ryan, you're not listening to me on that level.

SPARKY: HE SAID YOU DIDN'T F***ING CATCH IT!

STONER: Oh, cool. Good looking out, bro.

WADE: Will you please get off us? We're missing the show!

STONER: Holy shit. Dude, you're Gary Coleman, you're a legend! Wait a minute, I thought your parents choked you to death.

SCENE 14

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Jaylynn, Anja, Sarah, and Lynne are all in the house together. Jaylynn is resting on the couch while the girls sit on the floor watching TV._

SARAH: You know, Jaylynn, you could have been honest about being sick. We could have rescheduled.

LYNNE: Will you open your eyes? Does she look like she's in any position to tell the truth about shit?!

JAYLYNN: It's okay, Lynne. Sarah, if you want, you can go. By the time I'm ready to actually do stuff, I'll have to go back to school.

SARAH: No, I'm already here. I want to help you get through this. That's what friends are for.

LYNNE: If you say so.

SARAH: What's your problem, little girl? Nobody's even talking to you.

LYNNE: If you were really her friend, you would make an effort to see her more. This isn't a part-time job.

SARAH: Don't lecture me about effort. You just started treating her like a human being.

LYNNE: At least I didn't try getting her attention by jumping her like a coward. Yeah, I know your history, "Sarah," if that's even your real name.

JAYLYNN: This is kinda sweet, but kinda annoying at the same time.

ANJA: Lynne, can I see you in the kitchen?

LYNNE: Fine.

_Anja and Lynne head for the kitchen._

SARAH: For real, does she have a crush on you or something? This is creepy.

JAYLYNN: No, we worked that out. I let her know in the beginning there can't be any magic tricks or that kind of shit.

SARAH: What?

JAYLYNN: I know what I said, I just can't say it the way that I thought it.

_Cut to Anja and Lynne in the kitchen._

ANJA: Sis, what's wrong with you? Sarah just wants to be with Jaylynn and you're acting like a plate of nachos.

LYNNE: Sarah comes here once a year and that's supposed to be okay. I'm actually trying to treat Jaylynn better and she...wait, a plate of nachos? What kind of foolishness did you just say?

ANJA: You know, nachos are all over the place. You get the cheese on your face, the toppings are scattered, you don't know whether you're coming or going?

LYNNE: It makes me upset that you talk like a soccer mom from Tennessee.

ANJA: Look, just cool it with the hostility, okay? You're not making it any better for Jaylynn.

LYNNE: Yeah, you're right. But I'm watching Sarah. If she tries me, things are going to get worse than eating pork covered in Jell-O.

ANJA: Ewww.

LYNNE: That's right, I went there.

SCENE 15

Pacific Terrace Hotel

Interior Hotel Room

San Diego, California

_RK is depressed while watching TV. Sparky, Buster, and Wade walk in with the same depression._

RK: How was your day?

BUSTER: F*** our day. How was yours?

RK: Same.

BUSTER: Good. F*** both of our days, that's what I say.

SPARKY: Okay. RK, what happened?

RK: Steve's freezing me out of the funeral. There's no room for my speech. How am I supposed to honor Harold now?

WADE: Maybe by going to the funeral?

RK: Wade, I can't do jack shit by being in the cheap seats like some kind of goober. I can't tell people what Harold meant to me. I can't make people feel the emotions I felt when I found out he died. I can't even come up with a corny punchline that I pass off as witty, and everybody lets me slide because it's a funeral.

SPARKY: RK, at the end of the day, you and Harold had a special relationship. That's never going to change, regardless of whether or not you read some words off a paper.

RK: Yeah. I know that. But nobody else is going to know that. Tomorrow, they're just going to see some random white kid in a somewhat husky suit.

BUSTER: You know what I think? You should go for it. Say your speech. Let everybody know what Harold meant to you by any means necessary. That's what you would usually do.

RK: You're right, Buster. Carpe diem, seize the day. No matter what, I'm going to have my time to express how I feel tomorrow.

WADE: We should probably carry that same attitude to the festival.

RK: Why? What happened?

SPARKY: The Festivaloozesta wasn't what it's cracked up to be. I know it was just the first day, but there was no magic. We could barely see anything, it smelled like beer from the corner store, and get this. One guy actually asked me if he could pee in my hands.

BUSTER: It's not like you let him do it.

SPARKY: But he still asked me if he could. There are some sick people in San Diego.

RK: I think you guys need to remember what you're there for and have some fun. From what I hear, Divide the Day is performing tomorrow.

BUSTER: Divide the Day? _The _Divide the Day?

WADE: The guys who wrote "Let It Roll," Divide the Day?

SPARKY: The band with one of the greatest songs ever made, Divide the Day?

RK: Yeah, that's what I heard. And if you guys want to get a piece of the action, you have to come early. Beat these people at their own game.

SPARKY: RK's right. If we go to the festival real early, reserve some towels near the front of the stage, and be aggressive, we'll get to see everything tomorrow.

BUSTER: Why wait until tomorrow? Let's camp out near the fairgrounds right now.

_Cut to Sparky, Buster, and Wade in sleeping bags right near the main gate of the festival._

WADE: Tomorrow, we'll have the best seats in the house.

SPARKY: I know, right? These people are so dumb, how can they not be camping out like us?

_At that point, the boys hear a strange hissing noise and garbage cans being knocked over._

BUSTER: The raccoons found us!

SPARKY: Let's come back tomorrow morning, I'm not dealing with this shit.

WADE: Me either.

_Sparky, Buster, and Wade quickly get out of their sleeping bags and run away from the main gate._

SCENE 16

Borowitz-Gorodetsky Mortuary

San Diego, California

_At the funeral the next day, there is a full house to celebrate Harold. A man around Harold's age is at the podium giving a speech._

CASPER: So Harold and I were always getting into something back in the day. I remember this one time, we were in Vegas, and we were surrounded by this whole table full of cheeseburgers. We just kept going through these cheeseburgers, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in the hotel room, surrounded by Brazilian women, a magician, and a ceramic white tiger. I look at Harold and I say, "Those burgers were spiked." And he's looking at me and saying, "Yeah, I realized that like, 35, 45 minutes after." And then I tell him, "So why didn't you say something to me?!" You know what he says? "Fool, ain't nobody stopping me from eating some motherf***ing cheeseburgers!"

_At that point, the entire crowd at the funeral laughs. RK, however, is unamused._

RK: Sure, gratuitous swearing. Because that makes every story funny.

SCENE 17

Borowitz-Gorodetsky Mortuary

San Diego, California

_Near the end of the funeral, Steve is talking to the entire funeral crowd._

STEVE: I just want to thank you guys for coming out today. My grandfather was a beautiful man. He spent his time on Earth doing nothing but making people happy, and I know he would appreciate all the love you've sent him this afternoon.

RK: I think one of us would really like to send him some love on a personal level.

STEVE: RK, my humble brother, we really don't have time for this.

OLD LADY: Who's that white boy? Harold was talking to little white boys?

OLD MAN: Oh no, Harold was giving treats to kids.

STEVE: My grandfather wasn't a pedophile. This kid met him at his old retirement home in Seattle.

RK: My name is RK Jennings, and I just need everybody's attention for a few minutes. _*clears his throat and takes out speech* _"Harold was an extraordinary man. He loved Motown, fast women, and drinking. If I had one more chance to talk to him..."

STEVE: RK, we have to wrap it up.

RK: "I would tell him that I love him. A wise man once said, 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' And Harold was definitely a great thing that happened. We should all be grateful that he entered our lives and..."

_At that point, many people begin leaving the room as RK continues his speech._

RK: "...and-and he allowed us to enter his, and..." WOULD YOU GUYS PLEASE STAY PUT?! I'M PAYING TRIBUTE HERE!

STEVE: RK, it's over. Everybody's going to the reception. There's apple juice and chocolate cake there.

RK: What kind of meal is that? And I never got to stand up on that podium and talk about what Harold meant to me.

STEVE: It's okay, man. My grandpa knows you had love for him. But sometimes, things don't work out the way you want.

_Steve leaves the room and RK sighs._

RK: This is bullshit. Harold's never going to know how I felt about him. This speech has to be big and theatrical. It needs an audience.

_RK squints his eyes and looks near the podium. He sees the urn containing Harold's ashes._

RK: Or maybe it just needs the man of the hour.

_He walks up to the podium, takes the urn, and hides it in his jacket, then runs out of the room._

SCENE 18

Aztec Valley Fairgrounds

San Diego, California

_With the second day of the festival underway, the crowd is chanting "DIVIDE THE DAY!" constantly as they wait for the band to show up. Sparky, Buster, and Wade join in the chants._

PA ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, you have been waiting and here they are. Performing live here at the Aztec Valley, the incomparable Divide the Day!

_The six members of Divide the Day show up on stage to a loud reception and go to their positions where their instruments are set up._

SPARKY: This is going to be the best day of our lives!

BUSTER: I hear these guys always put on an amazing show.

JOSEPH NICHY: Welcome back San Diego! We're Divide the Day, and we're about to get motherf***ing down!

_Divide the Day begins playing "Lookin' for Trouble," much to the confusion of the audience. The crowd starts booing and throwing cups at the band._

DARREN LANTZ: What the hell are they doing?!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Play "Let It Roll," you dicks!

BILLY HAIG: No, everybody's tired of that damn song.

BUSTER: No, they're not! Entertain us already!

_Sparky and Wade give Buster angry looks._

BUSTER: Sorry. Mob mentality.

DANIEL FROST: Guys, let's just play "Let It Roll." You know it's our biggest hit.

JOSEPH NICHY: Dude, it's every show. We play "Let It Roll" 49 straight times, we play something else, then they hate it, and we have to keep playing "Let It Roll" until everybody leaves. That song's ruined my life.

JUSTIN CANELA: But you were able to buy a vacation home because of that song.

JOSEPH NICHY: Justin, nobody was talking to you!

JUSTIN CANELA: Nobody ever talks to me.

JOSEPH NICHY: Hey, listen to me, you ungrateful, parasitic motherf***ers. You don't appreciate a damn thing. It's every single show. I haven't digested an entire meal in almost six weeks because of you guys. You're not getting "Let It Roll" because you don't deserve "Let It Roll," f*** you and your ugly children.

_Joseph walks off the stage and the other band members follow him. The crowd goes silent._

WADE: I can't believe this.

BUSTER: Me neither. Usually, when an artist insults the crowd like that, they get shot.

_Sparky and Wade give Buster bored expressions._

SCENE 19

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Anja, Lynne, and Sarah are watching TV on the floor while Jaylynn sleeps on the couch._

LYNNE: Sarah, could you pass the remote?

SARAH: No. I'm watching something.

LYNNE: I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. Sarah, could you _please _pass me the remote?

SARAH: I'm going to make this simple for you. I will not pass you the remote because I am watching something.

LYNNE: Well, you don't live here. You can't just make the rules on who can watch the TV.

SARAH: You don't live here either. Now, could you leave me alone?

ANJA: Guys, Jaylynn's sleeping.

LYNNE: You know, you have a shitty attitude. How could Jaylynn ever be friends with someone like you?

SARAH: The same way she could be friends with someone like you.

LYNNE: Excuse me? Are you trying me?

SARAH: You're not fooling anyone. Jaylynn told me all the stories about how terrible you are. You might think you've changed, but you haven't, and it's only a matter of time before Jaylynn sees that.

LYNNE: Hey, we actually talked about our problems and made peace. When you had a problem with Jaylynn, you beat the shit out of her late at night.

SARAH: You don't understand anything.

LYNNE: I understand you're a punk. You come in here with that "I'm from Portland" nonsense but anybody who lives here can beat you like a cheap drum.

ANJA: Guys...

SARAH: You wouldn't survive in Portland. If you showed up anywhere near that place, you would get your jaw cracked in five seconds.

LYNNE: I doubt it.

SARAH: Admit it, you have a crush on Jaylynn.

LYNNE: Ewww, stop projecting! _You _have a crush on Jaylynn!

SARAH: You put a picture of Jaylynn on your pillow at night and practice kissing with it.

LYNNE: You probably have corny-ass poems about Jaylynn. How's the first one go? "My love for you makes me funny/You're softer than a bunny eating honey."

JAYLYNN: That's it! I'm sick and tired of you guys fighting! I keep throwing up, I keep letting myself go on the toilet, and my friends can't even keep it together while I'm sleeping?! Forget it, I'm done. All of you go home.

LYNNE: She started it!

SARAH: You don't even deserve to be here!

JAYLYNN: I don't care who started what or who deserves to be where. Gone, all of you.

ANJA: What did I do?

JAYLYNN: Nothing. But I'm not playing favorites. Out.

_Anja, Lynne, and Sarah all begin leaving._

LYNNE: I can't believe you.

SARAH: Shut up. Like I care about you believing me.

LYNNE: Jackass.

SARAH: Bum.

ANJA: Will you guys please...

_Anja closes the front door._

JAYLYNN: Shit, talking about cracking jaws and bunnies eating honey. The hell is wrong with people?

SCENE 20

Aztec Valley Fairgrounds

Interior Backstage Area

San Diego, California

_The band members of Divide the Day are drinking and opening bags of cocaine when Sparky, Buster, and Wade walk backstage._

SPARKY: Hey guys?

DARREN LANTZ: Kids!

DANIEL FROST: Wait, hang on, we don't know what they're into. Hey guys, do you like to party?

BUSTER: Always.

JOSEPH NICHY: Shut up, put the coke away. What are you children doing here? This is an adult festival.

WADE: We just wanted to see you guys perform. "Let It Roll" is a classic song.

BUSTER: And when you said what you said about ugly children, that hurt us. We know ugly children personally.

BILLY HAIG: Look, guys, you don't know what it's like to have everybody in your face asking for the same thing over and over again.

SPARKY: We get it, but can't you just perform? You were already paid.

DAVID STRICKLAND: Yeah, because the contract we signed was pay or play. And in this business, you gotta pay to play. Or you gotta move, like Aerosmith said. YOU GOTTA MOVE!

SPARKY: You have the same breath as my alarm clock.

WADE: Guys, nobody likes being a celebrity. It's a painful endeavor. But for years, the six of you have made people happy. You have a song that everybody respects and puts on their playlist. Doesn't that mean something?

JOSEPH NICHY: No, it doesn't. Guys, you know what we wanted when we started this band?

JUSTIN CANELA: Cup holders for our sodas because we would hop in the car, and then, you know, with the wobbling...

JOSEPH NICHY: JUSTIN, NOBODY'S HERE TO TALK TO YOU! Anyway, when we started this band, we didn't care about the fame. We just wanted enough money to make our own flying machine.

BUSTER: A flying machine?

JOSEPH NICHY: Yeah, it was going to be a replica of what da Vinci did. Flapping wings and everything. Then "Let It Roll" became this big hit, and we couldn't even find time to work on it. Now, I'm thinking about quitting.

SPARKY: What? You can't quit!

DARREN LANTZ: Why not? We made our money. This band's legacy is having a theme song for a wrestling show that nobody's watched since 2003.

BUSTER: Come on, you're Divide the Day. You can quit any time you want, but right now, there are people that came to see a great show. If you keep playing "Let It Roll," you'll have enough money to make a whole room full of flying machines.

DANIEL FROST: Can they have a kung fu grip?

BUSTER: I don't see why they would, but I also don't see why not.

JOSEPH NICHY: Of course. We can make a flying machine better than da Vinci's ever was! Come on, guys, let's let it roll!

_The band members chant "LET IT ROLL!" as they rush back to the stage._

WADE: This was such a weird conversation.

SPARKY: I know. What was with them and flying machines?

BUSTER: Guys, I'm gonna be honest, I only recognized two of those people.

SCENE 21

Pacific Terrace Hotel

Interior Hotel Room

San Diego, California

_Later that day, RK is sitting on his bed staring down Harold's urn._

RK: An entire human life is bottled up in this little thing. What if I spilled you? Would your spirit be dead? Like, gone from the domain of existence for eternity? I need to stop talking to inanimate objects.

_Sparky, Buster, and Wade walk into the room, causing RK to gasp and hide the urn in his suitcase._

SPARKY: RK, what's going on?

RK: Nothing much. Just enjoying the beautiful California weather. What about you, Sparks?

SPARKY: Wondering what you're trying to hide from us.

RK: Dude, you're so mistrusting. How does Halley put up with that?

WADE: Guys, hold him down. I'll check his suitcase.

RK: Yeah, none of you are touching my paraphernalia.

_Sparky and Buster tickle RK while Wade takes his suitcase and finds the urn._

WADE: RK, what are you doing with an urn?

RK: Um...I stole it from The Undertaker. Now, _I _own his magical powers. _*imitating Paul Bearer* _Ohhhhh yes!

WADE: RK?

_RK sighs._

RK: Alright, I stole Harold's ashes! There, I said it.

SPARKY: Dude, are you insane? Why would you steal somebody's urn?

RK: Because everybody at that damn funeral got a chance to go up on stage and talk about Harold's greatness. I just wanted some time for myself.

BUSTER: RK, this is 14 years of bad luck. You brought the devil upon us. Pretty soon, we're going to be eating porridge for every meal and wearing socks with holes cut out in the toes.

RK: Don't worry, I have a contingency plan. This will help keep Harold from being exploited in death.

WADE: What's the stupid f***ing contingency plan?

RK: Alright, I set up a business where people get to pay tribute to Harold from afar. I keep the urn safe, everybody gets their last chance to honor him, and before you know it, there's gonna be some...money being made around here! Money being made around here! BANG! Range Rovers, big old house. Diamond rings, if you like that kind of thing! Come on, guys, sing it with me. Money being made around here!

RK AND BUSTER: Money being made around here! BANG! Range Rovers, big old house. Diamond rings, if you like that kind of thing!

_Sparky and Wade slap Buster and RK in the back of their heads, respectively._

BUSTER: I-I just thought it was catchy.

SPARKY: Look, RK, I get that Harold meant a lot to you, but this is the most disrespectful thing you could have done to his memory. You're having his family worried sick wondering where the ashes are. They might have wanted to do something really special with this urn and you ruined it for them.

RK: But I just wanted to give my speech without anything getting in the way. What am I supposed to do now?

WADE: First thing in the morning, you go to that funeral home and give the urn back. I don't care if your speech isn't ready yet, you're making this right.

RK: Alright, I hear ya. I'll give it back.

_Beat. RK rubs his chin._

SPARKY: Just to make sure you keep your word, we're coming with you.

RK: I didn't say anything!

SCENE 22

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_The next morning, Jaylynn is watching TV when she hears the doorbell. She walks up to the door and opens it to reveal Lynne._

LYNNE: Hey. How are you feeling?

JAYLYNN: Not bad, actually. I don't feel nauseous right now, but I'm going to play it safe.

LYNNE: Great. I think I should let you know why I acted out yesterday.

JAYLYNN: Um, okay? Why?

LYNNE: Listen, we haven't been friends for a long time, and when I found out you were sick, I wanted to repay you for helping me out when I was sick. Then Sarah just had to come and make me feel like a loser.

JAYLYNN: Dude, just because Sarah shows up, doesn't mean I'm going to ignore you. What, are you threatened by her?

LYNNE: Kinda. You knew her back in Portland. Riding through the streets together or whatever you were doing there. I just wanted this to be my weekend.

JAYLYNN: Well, I have to say, I never thought it would get to the point where you're trying to make things easier for me.

LYNNE: Me neither. It's a crazy world.

JAYLYNN: But you don't have to try so hard, man. If this is going to work, you have to calm down.

LYNNE: I know. I just think since we're no longer enemies, I had to take my anger out on someone else.

_Sarah walks in and sees the girls._

SARAH: Ah, f*** me.

LYNNE: Look, Sarah, I just wanted to say sorry for what happened yesterday. Jaylynn helped me out when I had the chicken pox, so I wanted to pay her back. That's all.

SARAH: I guess I could understand that. I'm gonna be honest, I'm having a hard time with this friendship.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but at the end of the day, Lynne's my friend. And you're my friend, so you two are going to have to cool it with this rivalry.

SARAH: You're right. You know something, Lynne? If I made you feel like shit, I'm sorry. I think for Jaylynn's sake, we should just get along.

LYNNE: Yeah, I already went through this for years. I'm not doing it again.

_Lynne shakes hands with Sarah._

JAYLYNN: Hey, where's Anja?

LYNNE: Oh, she didn't want to come. She said she was "so offended" after you kicked her out last night for doing nothing.

JAYLYNN: Ugh, she needs her own drama series.

SCENE 23

Borowitz-Gorodetsky Mortuary

San Diego, California

_Around the same time, RK walks into the lobby of the funeral home with the boys to meet Steve._

RK: Hey Steve. I'm right where you told me to meet you.

STEVE: Just give me the urn back, man. You know I could have you thrown under the jail for this?

BUSTER: No, he's a tourist! If you turn him in, the cops will strangle him with piano wire!

SPARKY: Look, Steve, I know what RK did was wrong, but he really cared about Harold. He just wanted to get the chance to say the things he wrote down.

WADE: It's true. Obviously, it was misguided, but RK was really torn up when he found out Harold died.

STEVE: Well, you could have told me that before you tried stealing my grandpa's ashes.

RK: I _did _tell you that! Multiple times! Look, Steve, I just want to give my speech, and you'll never have to hear from me again.

STEVE: But there's no one else here.

RK: That's okay. I'll give it alone. Could you guys wait for me here?

SPARKY: Of course, we will.

_RK takes the urn into the room where Harold's funeral was held and sits down in the front row. He sighs and holds out the urn._

RK: I'm sorry, Harold. I'm sorry I let you down by stealing your ashes from your own family. If you could come back to life, you would probably beat me with your belt. But in that moment, I felt like I had to do it. You know, when I was at the funeral yesterday, I had a really shitty time. I was so wrapped up in what I wanted to say, I didn't care about anything else. I was selfish. But now, I realize how many people cared about you. You were an extraordinary person. And I never got the chance to tell you that until now. The world is going to miss you so much, buddy. Rest easy. You at least deserve that.

_RK hugs the urn and brings it back to Steve. RK then pulls out the gold chain Harold gave him from his pocket and gives it to Steve._

STEVE: Hey, man, I just wanted the urn. I'm not shaking you down.

RK: No, this was Harold's chain. Before he left Seattle to come here, he gave this to me so I'd always remember him. But I want you to keep it.

STEVE: If I keep it, you won't have anything to remember him by.

RK: It's okay. Chain or no chain, Harold knew how I felt about him. Besides, you deserve it.

STEVE: That's really decent, man. Take care of yourself, kid.

RK: You too.

_RK shakes hands with Steve and hugs him. He then leaves the funeral home with the guys._

BUSTER: So, what are they going to do with Harold's ashes?

RK: Oh, they're probably going to scatter them in the water somewhere.

BUSTER: That's so wasteful. They should smoke them like they did with Tupac's ashes.

_Beat._

BUSTER: What? It's an eco-friendly decision!

SCENE 24

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_The kids are all on the couch watching TV._

JAYLYNN: So, how was that music hootenanny or whatever it is you went to?

BUSTER: It was the Rap Rock Festivaloozaesta.

JAYLYNN: Please, that sounds way dumber than what I said.

SPARKY: It was nice. I did notice there wasn't a lot of rap this year.

WADE: Yeah, I read that this year, they were trying to attract a more general, less fragmented demographic.

RK: So, whites only?

WADE: When you read between the lines, yeah.

SPARKY: So, are you still sick, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: A little bit, but I...

RK: Wait, what? You're still sick and you're in our presence?!

BUSTER: It's every man for himself!

_The boys all get off the couch and run in fear. Sparky runs upstairs, Buster runs into the kitchen, and RK and Wade leave the house._

JAYLYNN: Why does everyone in my life need a drama series?

_Cut to black._

_("Public Service Announcement" by Jay-Z plays over the end credits)_

©2019/2020 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

_In memory of John Witherspoon_

_January 27, 1942 - October 29, 2019_


	2. I Lost My Mind in San Diego B-Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 1/20/20; 1/23/20-1/24/20)_

_1/20/20_

_NOTE: Originally, I planned a Christmas and New Year's episode for this season. However, I procrastinated a lot during the Christmas episode and I had almost no interest in the New Year's episode so neither of them were written. I still want a certain number of episodes this season so to make up for it, I decided to have another episode in March and two more episodes in April._

-This is going to be a long one, so I'll just start by saying this episode's origin can be traced all the way back to 2015.

-After "RK's Last Stand," I was planning on having Harold appear on the show again, but it wasn't any time soon. I had an episode coming up later on in season three that involved the boys going to San Diego for the Rap Rock Festivaloozesta, while Jaylynn had a crazy adventure with Anja, Halley, Ashley, and Gilcania. It was inspired by the _American Dad _episode "Adventures in Hayley-sitting," and it was called "Bridgestone Summer Kickoff Show." However, I lost interest in the idea quickly and abandoned it for a long time.

-Years later, around the time of season seven, I thought about taking "Bridgestone Summer Kickoff Show" and splitting it up into two episodes: One focusing on the boys in San Diego, and the other focusing on the girls in Seattle. The episodes were called "I Lost My Mind in San Diego" and "Girls at Work," and they were meant to be the first two episodes of season eight. They also took place during the summer.

-For a while, this was the concept I stuck with, but at some point, I realized that I wouldn't have enough material for both episodes. I decided to drop "Girls at Work" and just incorporate that into the subplot for "I Lost My Mind in San Diego." I still wanted to start season eight with a doubleheader, so I thought of a different episode. Then I decided to go in another direction and replace the second episode with "Rebirth of a Salesman."

-The problem I had for a while was that "I Lost My Mind in San Diego" didn't have much of a story. The boys were traveling there for a music festival, but there wasn't much else to work with. I felt like the episode was more about them just going to San Diego and there wasn't enough conflict. I was looking for something more character-based, and that's when I decided to have them go to San Diego to celebrate Buster's tenth birthday. It was like the successor to the season seven premiere "TYH TakeOver: Brooklyn '18," where the kids went with Halley to Brooklyn, New York for her birthday party. I wanted this episode to be similar to that one, where you would actually feel you were in San Diego with the guys, but it required research since San Diego was a lot more unfamiliar to me.

-I started production of season eight on August 7, 2019 with this episode. I worked on it for more than a week, but I was losing interest with the story and I felt like there was nothing happening in it. It started with the guys celebrating Buster's birthday, but they think Buster was disappointed with the party so they get tickets to the Rap Rock Festivaloozesta. Jaylynn was going to be involved in the subplot. However, I had writer's block and procrastination, so I didn't get much work done. Things were slowly falling apart with season eight, so I decided to delay this episode until November 10 and figure out a new direction to take it in. This caused "Fourth Grade Friday II: Our New Arrivals" to become the season premiere, and the episode originally meant for November 10 to be replaced.

-I started writing a new story involving the fifth graders going to San Diego for a personal trip. They were getting tired of Sanna being the co-leader of the senior committee, so they wanted Sparky to take her place. They would then try forcing Sanna out of her position by making the San Diego trip difficult for her. Meanwhile, RK would visit Harold at his retirement home, and I believe the Rap Rock Festivaloozesta was still going to be included. It was meant to be an insane, off-the-wall episode, and I was going to use a lot of rock songs from the mid-2000s (songs like "...To Be Loved" by Papa Roach and "Well Enough Alone" by Chevelle).

-However, everything changed early in the morning on October 30. I was turning off my computer when I read an article that reported John Witherspoon's death. I was shocked and disappointed, and I didn't feel comfortable going through with the current idea. I started thinking about what I could do with Harold's character, because at the time, I hadn't even started writing the script yet (I was still working on "Halloween XIII: The Unauthorized Tales). I thought it would be weird to write lines for someone who was now dead in real life, so I decided to kill off Harold and have RK go to San Diego for the funeral. The boys would accompany him there, but they would also attend the Rap Rock Festivaloozesta, and Jaylynn would stay in Seattle due to being sick.

-Once again, I was having trouble with the episode. While I finally felt like it had some direction, I still didn't think it was ready to come out yet, and I didn't want to rush it, so I pushed it back once again, this time to January. During this time, I also changed Jaylynn's subplot about her simply being sick to having the stomach flu. Originally, the conflict in the subplot was between Anja and Sarah, but after the events of "Weekend at Jaylynn's," I decided to include Lynne and have her at odds with Sarah.

_1/23/20_

-I created Steve's character so he could replace the role that Harold was supposed to have in this episode. I didn't have anybody in mind for Steve, but Jason Weaver was fresh in my mind because I had watched his interview with Comedy Hype so I chose him.

-Buster references the _Sesame Street _episode "Farewell, Mr. Hooper," which originally aired on Thanksgiving Day in 1983. The episode killed off the Mr. Hooper character after Will Lee, the actor who played Mr. Hooper, died on December 7, 1982. It is one of the most recognized and beloved episodes in the history of the series.

-RK references the deaths of his Uncle Carmine ("To Be or Not to Be a Role Model" in season four) and his guidance counselor Ms. McDermott ("A Trip to the Guidance Counselor" from last season).

-The guys' conversation references the St. Louis Rams moving to Los Angeles in the 2016 season, the San Diego Chargers moving to Los Angeles a year later, and the Oakland Raiders' move to Las Vegas this year (the 2020 season being their first as the Las Vegas Raiders).

-Buster references the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, the joke being that it has always been held on the West Coast (the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California).

-In "RK's Last Stand," Buster reveals a speech that he wrote for Harold in the hospital after the guys believed that Harold was dying. However, in this episode, Buster's opening line is brand new.

-Wade references previous episodes where Buster had his own clone: "You're Welcome, Hellish" in season five and "The Secret World of Buster Newman" from last season.

-While on the plane, Sparky lists off multiple nicknames for San Diego.

_1/24/20_

-"BANG! BANG! BANG!" is a catchphrase that John Witherspoon frequently used in movies and on television shows.

-Buster mistakenly believed that the Nickelodeon sitcom _Drake & Josh _(2004-2007) was filmed in San Diego, due to San Diego being the show's setting.

-The funeral home is named after writers/producers Andy Borowitz and Eddie Gorodetsky. Borowitz co-created the NBC sitcom _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air _(1990-1996) with his wife Karen and Quincy Jones, and Gorodetsky worked on the show as a writer during its fourth and fifth seasons.

-At the music festival, the stoner mistakes Wade for actor Gary Coleman, who died on May 28, 2010 after being taken off life support.

-Lynne references Sarah's first appearance on the show, which was "The Karma Machine" in season three. In that episode, Sarah comes to Seattle and assaults Jaylynn as payback for bullying her and ending their friendship back in Portland.

-Lynne references pork being forbidden in Muslim culture, as well as gelatin containing pork.

-One of the first jokes I came up with for this episode was Divide the Day being criticized for playing anything other than "Let It Roll," which is the only song the audience cared about. I was also making fun of myself because "Let It Roll" is the only Divide the Day song I know (I listened to "Lookin' for Trouble" just for the sake of the joke).

-This is actually the second time that Divide the Day has appeared on the show. The first time was in "Slice of Fantastica (Part II)" where RK, Wade, and Jaylynn disguised their voices by using the band members' voices so Sparky and Buster couldn't recognize them.

-Backstage, David Strickland references Aerosmith's cover of the African-American spiritual song "You Gotta Move."

-Darren Lantz references the use of "Let It Roll" as the theme song for _WWE Friday Night SmackDown _from October 2009 to September 2010. This was actually my introduction to the song.

-When confronted about having Harold's urn, RK lies by saying it belonged to The Undertaker, and uses the late Paul Bearer's catchphrase. In the early days of The Undertaker's WWE career, Bearer was his manager, and he often carried around an urn that was believed to be the source of Undertaker's supernatural powers.

-RK (and later Buster) raps the song "Money Being Made Around Here," which John Witherspoon's character Pops rapped on episodes of the WB sitcom _The Wayans Bros. _(1995-1999).

-Buster references claims made by the hip hop group The Outlawz that they used Tupac Shakur's ashes to mix with marijuana after his death in 1996.

-I used "Public Service Announcement" at the end to carry on the _Black Album _theme from the beginning of the season (the first three episodes of season eight all had _Black Album _songs over the end credits). On the album, "Public Service Announcement" is an interlude, and since this is the first episode of 2020, it signifies that this is now the halfway point of season eight.


End file.
